My Second Wedding: How do I get through this?

Posted on April 22nd, 2011 by admin1 in political consulting firm

I’m 29 years old and getting married for the 2nd time. The first time my ex had a very bad temper problem and there was some abuse. The last and final time I left was because I no longer felt safe in the house -he kicked a door shut while I was in the doorway and almost broke my arm.

After I left, I admit that I dveloped a drinking problem a month later that lasted for about 5 months. I was aware of, and during all this time I was in therapy. The marriage had long been over, we had separated once before (as my therapist says I had already gone through the stages of grief before it was over). We had a very succesful political consulting firm. He was the face of it, I make the machine turn and worked from home. For this reason no one remembers me as anything more than his wife – even though I was the mastermind of several important strategies that led those people/candidates to win..

So I lost my career, I lost my husband (he refused to get help for months prior to the final incidents) I had to work two jobs including bartending as the only white girl at a hip hop club plus a seconf semi-fulltime job in a small publishing house.

Three months after I left, I met the true love of my life. As time had gone on in our marriage, I realized that I had been in love with an idea (a crusading team that saves the world) not the man. I am now in love with the man and have not one doubt that he is my soulmate and I feel so privileged he picked me to be his wife :) Every time I look at my ring there is this sense of joy, safety, and the reassurance that everything will be okay.

I have found bliss.

But all the motions are so haunting… Registering at the same places,trying to everything different so it will be completely unique from the last wedding… I would run to some small romantic place to get married, but my fiance wants and deserves the wedding he has always wanted…

My mother loves him (most because he’s going to law school), but the family response has been underwhelmeing. Bridal magazines are saying I can’t wear a veil. My ex, whom I had been friends with, apparently found out and defriended me on FB (I will always care about him and he’s back where he belongs, with an easy teaching shop a girl 11 years his junior who is a Sarah Palin fan – which is funny because I described her exactly when we would get in fights and I was like you need to marry a sorority girl from the Midwest who like Sarah Palin and I ain’t it)

My family is nuts anyway, but all of this hurts.

Advice? Help?

I think that your wedding day should be about you and your fiance. Have you told him about the problems you’re having? Because I think you should. You may think he wants the big wedding, but he may be willing to compromise, but if you don’t tell him what’s wrong, he’ll never know.

If you want to wear a veil, you can wear a veil… who cares what those wedding magazines think? It’s your wedding, not theirs.

3 Comments on “My Second Wedding: How do I get through this?”

  1. kashtastic

    I think that your wedding day should be about you and your fiance. Have you told him about the problems you’re having? Because I think you should. You may think he wants the big wedding, but he may be willing to compromise, but if you don’t tell him what’s wrong, he’ll never know.

    If you want to wear a veil, you can wear a veil… who cares what those wedding magazines think? It’s your wedding, not theirs.References :

  2. J Flower

    Whose family isn’t nuts??

    Does he do the planning with you? Maybe he could take on some of the stuff that is haunting you seeing as he is the one who wants the big wedding. Or if you do it together it will keep the focus on it being about you both doing this for the sake of love instead of just "going through the motions".

    Or maybe you could hire a wedding planner or in list some friends to do some of the stuff. Just remember the important thing is this is a commitment of love to each other. The specifics of the wedding aren’t what is most important.

    Congrats. Truly happy you have found your soul mate. You deserve it!References :

  3. Courtney

    I am proud of you for getting out of an abusive situation. That takes courage. I think planning ANY wedding can be super stressful and daunting. I say if you want to wear a veil, do it. It’s still your day. This wedding is a celebration of the love you have with this man. If he has any ideas or input for the plans I would consider those as well. The personalities of both people tend to show in these celebrations and make for the most enjoyable weddings. Whatever you want to do or don’t want to do is completely up to you. Both of you control the shots. It will be a beautiful day no doubt. : )References :

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